Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
