I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
