i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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