i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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