Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
