I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
