I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
