There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
