if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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