I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
