I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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