he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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