Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
