He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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