i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish my penis had a tongue
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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