Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You pole danced in your parka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
