i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
