I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
