see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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