She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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