so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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