I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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