she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
