ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
