my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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