we have pet lesbian snakes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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