that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
