Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
