his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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