haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
