i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
