if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
