Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
