Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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