So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
