ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
