This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
