I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
