Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
