He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
