And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
