I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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