My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
