eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
