I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
