he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
