My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
