Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
