woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
