She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
